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She knew it all but we all knew she didn't. She could lift the Empire State building with one hand. She could let it fall and not look back to see where it landed. Where is she now? When he died his spirit left his body, a shell, nothing left. When she died she never left but now i can't find her.
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Is it possible to be born from the same DNA? Is there anything that really connects us beyond the fact that we have to be connected by our struggle to survive? Who the fuck are we anyway?
This thing happens again and again and I can't wrap my mind around it. Lack of trust. Lack of support. Lack of intimacy. Lack of...all things that really matter. I will go to sleep tonight, hoping to dream a better outcome. race as in color as in speed When your last parent dies, your childhood is in limbo, frozen in time and space. There's a hole that used to be filled with aggravation, frustration, guilt that you couldn't make things right, love when it seemed there was never enough. A hole so cavernous there is no bottom, a hole around which the turbulence roils, unable to penetrate the emptiness. A hole so dark that the stillness of the night brings such clarity that sleep is elusive and the memory of those final days is relived over and over again. |
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January 2023
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