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Hung

10/28/2010

You book, you’re always telling a story,

always characterizing, always plotting to find that part of me

that may or may not exist. Love is fiction, baby. It comes and goes

and grows and recedes and sometimes tells the truth. Entire worlds

are crossed and uncrossed and canceled out due to marketing failures. We

are human after all, and after. The most, the broadest, the widest, the largest, the ‘est’ is the problem. Nothing more. Face value, that’s what we’re afraid of. Giving is an act, treason a cause. Lying is a desperate attempt, loving a lunar landscape. Light my way, oh desperate one in the common of the more desperate among us.

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Aunt Lillian R.I.P.

10/25/2010

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Designer fashion before it meant anything to me, those heels a vibrant color, a dizzying pattern, so mesmerizing. To my total naiveté I embraced my Aunt Lillian even when she banished me, implored me to take a nap when she just couldn’t take it any more. I never knew her struggle, the body she couldn’t own that owned her, a mind that tricked with sardonic humor to cover up all that she could not control. Today I bought a hat at a fancy department store, the same day I heard the news that she left this earthly plane with all of its faults and pleasures. I will miss her so.
Farewell, my beauty. You will always make me remember to laugh in spite of it all, to dress like it was the last opportunity, to love like I never loved before because you showed me change, that change can happen against all odds. My remarkable, amazing, Aunt Lillian.

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Being is believing

10/22/2010

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I journey on not knowing where it will take me because where I go doesn’t matter any more. Where I’ve been, well that’s another story, as if it all adds up to one big, significant thing. On the other hand I can’t say that where I go doesn’t matter because it’s the sum of the whole not the parts, that’s what changed, the very sum of it, is it not? It just keeps adding up like a calculator, not a brain with a quantifiable skill that partitions, calculates, exercises, deduces, channels, sparks, ingratiates so desperately. Give me more, that’s the refrain I keep on hearing. Give me more.

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Spontaneous Combustion

10/14/2010

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Reclaim the aimless, fear the aimlessness,
tear down the walls year after year,
the scores of attempts, the endless failures successes
all adding up to one thing.

Look into your eyes but the mirror betrays because you
have trained it to deceive. Kindness is something to
expect but nothing to believe in.

Fractious our history, is it not? Where does it begin or end?
We do not live to tell. We do not live to die after all. We just live.
Why is that not enough?

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Taking Up Space in your Thoughts

10/10/2010

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Feel lucky tonight for no good reason
except for the obvious one?
When did everything line up so perfectly?
But even if it did, would you trust it?
Get real or get lost or get or get not.
Moving, shaping, creating, recreating,
that is destiny. Oh this world I have come to believe in,
never, never forsake me.

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The Point

10/4/2010

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Don’t ask don’t tell.
Nothing about my persuasion or association
or contractual agreements.
I’m talking life and death,
how you can tell the color, the shape, the texture, the spleen, baby.
Let me ask you one thing. Does it float?
We had to make good with our therapist
and now it’s only about survival of the basest kind.
So what more do you ask of me when I can ask no more of myself?
How do we navigate this ever changing perimeter with no boundary, no base, no hard and fast rules, no destination because after all, destination is irrelevant.

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Hung

Aunt Lillian R.I.P.

Being is believing

Spontaneous Combustion

Taking Up Space in your Thoughts

The Point

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